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How to Find Peace in the Dark: Balancing Grief and Gratitude

Updated: Dec 5, 2023

I was preparing to share some tips with a group of grieving souls to help them through the dark days of winter that lie ahead, and I wanted to lead with the most important one: 


We have the capacity to carry grief and gratitude at the same time. 

In fact, it makes us stronger and more resilient for the journey ahead. 

I wanted to share how it robs us of strength to only carry grief, or to only carry gratitude, because the loss of a beloved actually fills us with both. Grief that they're gone. Gratitude that we were lucky enough to have them in our lives.

I planned to show them how it looks, carrying grief in one hand without the balance of gratitude (or any lighter emotion) in the other.

Then I’d ask them to show me their balanced hands, noticing how this physical act changes how they feel emotionally as they tune into their experience of loss.


What we feel in our bodies is also experienced in our minds, and vice versa. 

So try this with your own hands when you're feeling nothing but grief.

Let it remind you to find what you need within yourself to feel more balanced.

There was a problem, though.

I woke up that morning - having traveled and lost sleep too many nights during the prior week - not feeling as refreshed and on top of things as I wished. In fact, I was exhausted. Then I looked outside at the gloomy weather and I anxiously felt myself sinking.

When it was time to leave for the session, I thought about my message for the group and wondered how I could balance the weight of my fatigue so I could feel lighter, stronger, and more resilient. I opened the front door and there on my porch sat a box with the word JOY on its lid.

A wave of energy rushed through me as I bent down to pick it up. The note inside was in handwriting I didn’t recognize, wishing me a Merry Christmas from a secret admirer.

Suddenly I knew just what I needed to find my balance. The reminder of all the joy I get from serving people in this way was delivered so magically, it gave me even more joy!

Do I find what I need every time I seek a way to balance myself? 

I do, actually.

Does it always come in a box of JOY with an intriguing note inside? 

No, but I wish it did!

Fighting Gravity

Grief is the heaviest journey we will take in life. And if we don’t have tools to counterbalance it, grief can rob us of more than the loss of our loved one already has. It can rob us of our desire for life.

That’s why the programs I create for grief are built to bring light to the darkness. They’re built with tools that help you express what’s hard to name. And they’re built with creative techniques that lift your spirits more than you can imagine.


INVISIBLE INK™ does that by helping you nurture your connection with your loved one. Through a series of letters you write to (and from) them, you imagine their presence and the warmth of their love in ways you might have thought you had to give up when they died. The feelings of hope this inspires in participants is truly beautiful to witness.

"My daughter and I wrote all the letters you suggested in your book,

and I honestly feel like you saved us. I just wish everyone with children

knew about you, because this was so helpful."


HEALING HAIKU™ does it by guiding you to write simple 3-line poems that seem to flow naturally out of anyone who tries it. Whether you’re writing about your grief or expressing a moment of beauty or awe, the shift in your mood is almost instant. And the best part is that you create the shift through your own words. You name something that's elusive. You find an analogy from life that helps you say what death has done to you. And you discover a bottomless well of love and gratitude beneath your pain.

"I am in awe. I had not expected so much joy.

Your prompts are incredibly helpful in so many ways."

Please Remember

We can be devastated and hopeful at the same time. And we can find a state of balance when we notice we’re being weighed down, simply by asking ourselves what we need and where that lives within us.

Sometimes, if we’re lucky, a box full of joy will show up on our doorstep just when we need it. 


Keep your words flowing so the energy of life can show up for you!

Learn more at

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